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[nph fairy][bedizen]

A statement. (REVISED: 11/9/2012)

So.

You want answers. You want the website that sells my supposed porn video, Daddy's Spoiled Little Slut. Unfortunately, guys, the porn never existed. I am so sorry, in advance, for the lack of self-degrading humor in this explanation, because I know the little buttholes over on ED are gonna take any sarcastic joke I make and take it out of context… Which leads me to my first point for the Encyclopedia Dramatica homeboys.

[If you have no idea what Encyclopedia Dramatica is, but are still curious about the PHOTOS, skip to #4.)

Look, guys, I don't care if you make fun of me. Have a blast. I got plenty of that shit in high school, and internet life has taught me how to laugh at the trolling.

I haven't given really given a shit since the article went up, because I was expecting something like that to happen- will get to that later- and because it's written so absurdly far from the truth that no one could even possibly believe it. However, recently I realized, what if my employers might actually look at my article and grow a tiny bit of doubt in their mind? So… I decided to write up a little response to clear all doubt in your head.

1) I'm a daddy's girl.
I grew up in a upper-middle class household, yes. My father was rarely around and my mother and I had a terrible relationship, so I moved out the minute I turned 18. I've also paid for my own things, including my first car, since I was 13. I pay my bills, I have a job, and I worry about money just as much as you do.

2) Breast implants.
This one is just fucking hilarious. If you put both my tits together, they might add up to one small B cup. For a year, I was on birth control and went up to C, which was awesome (when the photos were taken). Then I got off, due to the fact I was sexually inactive, and went right back to B. Had to eat a whole carton of ice cream to get over my loss. Ironically, the ice cream went right to my hips instead.

3) I'm a porn star!
No, I'm kind of not. After my pictures were leaked, I decided to have a bit of fun at my expense (something I'm no stranger to) and played an April Fool's prank implying I was considering getting involved in the porn industry. I could never ACTUALLY have a job in the porn industry, because I'm pretty sure I could only take like, two dicks at most. And that's on a good day.

4) Photos!
So, most of you already know how this happened. I had a boyfriend for three years who lived across the country. I loved him dearly, and considered him my soulmate at the time. We sent each other photos. Anyone would in that situation. Stupidly, I uploaded some photos to my private Photobucket account and forgot about them until looong after our break-up, when those photos somehow resurfaced on a porn site. Apparently, some guy had fuskered them (used a program to change the file names until unearthing private photos) and posted them. Many of these photos were taken when I was 16, some when I was 18- and I will never reveal which is which. The only reason I don't try to remove these from ED or take legal action, which I easily could, is because I don't like to deal with trolls. Their game is tedious and pointless. If you ignore them, they eventually go away.

4b) My Kinky Pics?
I'm sure my photos were up there- they were on a lot of sites. I probably told them the photos were taken when I was underage, they checked the timestamp, and removed them. I never, EVER put my photos up anywhere. EVER.

5) Why I am hated by 4channers!
Here's the deal. I originally attempted to get a small excerpt about me on Neil's ED page taken down. The mods seemed reasonable at first.

Except when it came to me. Weev, the master of some arbitration chat or something, and I had a little conversation over IM in which he told me that, in order to take the link to my photos down, I would have to sleep with him in a hotel room.

"Weev: i'm an attractive guy
Weev: you want something
Weev: i have it
Weev: you have something
Weev: i want it"


Weev


I rejected him (whether or not he was trolling me, I still don't know), and to punish me, a Chloe Dykstra ED article was started. An article all to myself!

Quotes:

"Just to clarify, I am saying I would have sex with him."

That was about Neil Patrick Harris as Doctor Horrible when I was asked in an interview.

"About to have a mascara brush inserted into my vajayjay by a guy named Uzzi (pronounced "oozy"). Wish me luck."

...Gynocologist.

"I lost my virginity in a hotel room to an F-list celebrity, who was married, mormon, and had three little boys. Evil, right? Yes, yes, I know I'm on the fast train to an eternity of cleaning up demon shit in 444.9 degree heat. In my defense, I halted it after a few seconds. Also in my defense, I was freshly 18 and still naive, while he was 34. BONUS FACT: This is the only time I cried after sex!
(how many people have you had sex with?) As for the second question I will simply say this... I can count the number on three hands. Yeah, I've counted and recounted and it still confuses me how the hell I managed that, considering I've only had three one night stands (one was my virginity, and two came after a MAJOR heartbreak... you understand), and aside from that haven't slept with anyone I wasn't dating/REALLY cared about for at least a month and a half. Life moves quickly, I guess. "


Question on Formspring about the loss of my virginity. I answered honestly, and as humorously as I could. I was in love with the guy I lost my virginity to for awhile, and felt stomach-twisting guilt for months after it happened. I was naive, vulnerable, and starstruck.

"I had an affair with my rockstar idol that lasted six months."

Totally slutty. I loved the guy, still do. Didn't have sex with him in the six months we were together because I didn't feel ready.

So here's the deal. I didn't beat any cats, I didn't molest any children. I simply sent photos to my boyfriend of three years, NINE YEARS AGO. Because of this, I'm being harrassed constantly over Facebook by horny Hungarians, and my phone number is posted online. But that's what trolls do when they take breaks from wasting time with other trivial pursuits trying to teach idiots lessons... Waste more time, trying to get reactions.

Well here's your reaction, 4chan. You're boring. You don't really do much damage unless there's a ton of you. I don't hate you, though I should, I just feel sorry for you. I'm glad you've found your life calling and all that, it's just that no one really thinks you're cool for it. Sorry, guys. I truly am.

I had to disable comments due to spam, but feel free to tweet at me (@skydart).

Comments

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the internet before 4chan was fun
i'm willing to admit 4chan has brought some hilarious shit to me.

i'm really only talking about the really nasty trolls on 4chan. i don't care about the ones who leave well enough alone.
Regarding the phone number thing: I totally got my entire household banned from editing articles 'cause I tried removing it. The change lasted for less than a minute, and then I got some message like "gtfo".

Boo hoo. Now I can't make stupid jokes on their website for a year.
Sidenote: might this entry, or parts of it, give the trolls more momentum? You're giving them a reaction, which is probably what they want. It's easy to get caught in that kinda game and never win.

Just remember, the internet isn't reality. Nothing that happens over it is truly real. It's only real in a psychological realm. This stuff, this is all just a bunch of dumb transient shit. Be angry, be enraged, but don't feed them. 'cause at the end of the day, they're cowards, and you're not. Don't let this become a big deal for you. Cuz they're gonna get off on your suffering. Let it pass.

But yeah, that guy's ugly, whoever he is.
Just remember, the internet isn't reality. Nothing that happens over it is truly real. It's only real in a psychological realm.

How is this true in the slightest? I wouldn't even be responding to this, but this is such a pet peeve of mine that I can't help myself. The internet is as "real" as any other aspect of modern life (or life in general); some bits of it are incredibly transient, yes, but you could say that of anything, and some bits also aren't (we've all seen websites and other information that have existed in their current form or been disseminated for a good decade or more at this point).

A bunch of idiots insulting you and spreading around misinformation/naked pictures/whatever else about you is just as real on the Internet as it is anywhere else. Hell, on the Internet you actually run the risk of it being much less transient, since the information involved can easily spread like wildlife and never be contained, as is the case with some of the stuff here. I just feel like telling her "none of it's real" is trivializing it in a way that's actually really, really disrespectful, as if she doesn't have a right to care.
I love you for this entry and fuck the haters! You are a lovely and witty human being and remember, there is always karma for assholes.
this exactly.
alright a little more then medium awesome I guess. I GUESS. Quazi-

man, my ED article hasn't even been updated since 2008...
Ugh, Weez has a face like Luis Guzman's ass

I guess we should both be glad that there isn't anybody on ED with any real skill at what they do. I'd hate to know what someone older than 13 could dig up on me.
He looks like a mannequin, or a guy who died in a really funny pose. Or both, Weekend at Bernie's style.
BAM!
Trolls: 0
Chloe: 1
The fact that you can be utterly condescending while being polite is quite an admirable trait.
Every time I read about these things that are happening to you, I get so mad. Nobody deserves to be used like that, by anyone. Ever.

At the same time, I admire your class in handling this situation. I think you're great, and I hope that this will be a distant memory for you soon.
INTERNET DRAMA

(Anonymous)

I'm just here for the tits. I'm not Hungarian though.

No b00bz, no game.

"i think i'm dying
1:03 PM Jun 24th via Echofon"

Show b00bz, become relevant again!.

(Anonymous)

What

This isn't interesting! ED has betrayed me.
Ugh. That's awful, plain and simple. You would honestly think that they'd leave you alone after all this time...but you seem to be dealing with it pretty well. Knowing that you're better than lame-ass trolls helps, because you are.
I want to punch that ass fuck in the face. What a loser. Chloe, I admittedly came here (although I used to read your blog back in my blogging days) after reading Lemon Demon's ED article, which I stumbled on by accident. I want to hug you, punch that P.O.S., and hug you again. At least you can take comfort in knowing at the end of the day, people who are that mean-spirited must in fact be quite miserable themselves.
whoa. you have your own ED page? you're like an actual, important part of the internet now. this is some tron shit.

(Anonymous)

Classy Response

Thanks for not feeding the trolls.
My cousin recommended this blog and she was totally right keep up the fantastic work!

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